I’ve totally neglected this blog, and I need to stop doing that. My problem is that I like to write posts that are somehow useful, and not just complaints or reposts of information that is better found elsewhere. However, I suppose that is how information gets in the hands of the right folks, eventually. Writing is also an easy habit to break, if you get preoccupied with other things.

I will write more on this later, but I wanted to at least get the ball rolling on this topic. We have had a lot of trouble over the last six months with my wife’s lupus medication. She stopped the Cellcept because she was having headaches and problems with acid reflux. Then she moved on to Imuran which we thought was fine, but ended up creating flu-like symptoms that took forever to tie back to the Imuran. We seriously thought she was just getting the stomach flu every few weeks. Very soon after she stopped the Imuran, the vomiting and nausea stopped and everything was fine, except that her counts were all messed up again because she wasn’t taking any immunosuppressants.

So what do we end up going back to?

That’s right, she was put back on Cellcept, which lasted about a month before she couldn’t take the headaches anymore.

There’s got to be something else. Methotrexate was a total disaster, so that’s out. Cyclophosphamide is another option that hasn’t really been discussed. I assume there’s a reason for that. I will have to ask my wife to check with her doctor on that one. But wait, isn’t there some new drug? We keep hearing about Benlysta, but we don’t seem to have any access to it.

I believe I am starting to recover from a period of what is referred to as double depression, which what happens when someone with chronic depression, or dysthymia, experiences a particularly deep episode of depression. In hindsight, I can see that it started in early September, when my wife’s health was particularly problematic, which I will write about in another post, coupled with a three month crunch at work and an overly busy evening schedule at home. All of this lead to me not doing the things I usually do to keep myself emotionally healthy.

Be aware that my depression is a chronic condition that I have struggled with since I was an adolescent, and is not related to the stress of my wife’s illness. Dysthymia is a very mild form of chronic depression, which does not usually prevent an individual from functioning normally, but rather just creates a person who is just kind of “meh” about everything. I don’t usually have any deep lows, but then I don’t really have any periods of real joy or elation either. While I have tried medication in the past, I choose not to do so now. While it adds a great deal of fun to my emotional equation, it also inhibits a good deal of my ability to handle difficult situations, like dealing with my wife’s illness.

I have been able to find a balance of activities that help keep me happy and still allow me to be a very stable and dependable husband and parent. It’s only when I go long periods without those activities that I can dip into an unmanageable depression. I find that awareness is key. If I am really aware of my mental state, then I can start to move things in the right direction.

I know this is a very long explanation of why I haven’t updated this blog in a while, but I feel like it is a positive step for me to acknowledge what I am going through, and could encourage others who may be experiencing the same kind of feelings.

Just remember that there is always something you can do to make a difference.