Having a good support system is essential for any family dealing with chronic illness, and I wish I could say that we had one. Today is another one of those days when I have to take a day off of work to get my wife into the doctor. She is going into her fourth week of dealing with pneumonia-like symptoms, and in my opinion, the doctor’s treatment has been less than adequate. Last night, I was actually afraid that she had died, just because I realized I hadn’t heard her cough for a while. I am seriously so stressed out right now, I could… well, nothing, because if I break down the whole house breaks down, so I keep going.

I’m lucky to have a position now that allows me to be somewhat flexible with sick days. I would say that 9 out of 10 sick days in the last couple of years have been to care for my wife. I usually just go to work sick.

I know one of the things I need to do to keep my sanity is to develop a strong network of support. However, I have a few roadblocks I have to get past before I can do this.

• I have no extended family. My parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and so on have passed away. I am an island.
• Up until recently, my wife did everything she could to hide her illness from friends, and to some extent, her family. The idea that lupus is a serious illness has not really settled in yet.
• All of our current friends also have small children, and it’s difficult for them to help sometimes.

The last few days have been particularly bad for me. I find myself becoming angrier and more resentful as time goes by, and yet there is no relief in sight.

I think what I need to do is start with the positive.

• I DO have a few people that I know I can count on for anything, and I can be thankful for them.
• Often, I don’t have any help, BECAUSE I DON’T ASK FOR IT. I shouldn’t feel ashamed to ask for help.
• Things will not always be like this.

Any ideas?