I believe I am starting to recover from a period of what is referred to as double depression, which what happens when someone with chronic depression, or dysthymia, experiences a particularly deep episode of depression. In hindsight, I can see that it started in early September, when my wife’s health was particularly problematic, which I will write about in another post, coupled with a three month crunch at work and an overly busy evening schedule at home. All of this lead to me not doing the things I usually do to keep myself emotionally healthy.

Be aware that my depression is a chronic condition that I have struggled with since I was an adolescent, and is not related to the stress of my wife’s illness. Dysthymia is a very mild form of chronic depression, which does not usually prevent an individual from functioning normally, but rather just creates a person who is just kind of “meh” about everything. I don’t usually have any deep lows, but then I don’t really have any periods of real joy or elation either. While I have tried medication in the past, I choose not to do so now. While it adds a great deal of fun to my emotional equation, it also inhibits a good deal of my ability to handle difficult situations, like dealing with my wife’s illness.

I have been able to find a balance of activities that help keep me happy and still allow me to be a very stable and dependable husband and parent. It’s only when I go long periods without those activities that I can dip into an unmanageable depression. I find that awareness is key. If I am really aware of my mental state, then I can start to move things in the right direction.

I know this is a very long explanation of why I haven’t updated this blog in a while, but I feel like it is a positive step for me to acknowledge what I am going through, and could encourage others who may be experiencing the same kind of feelings.

Just remember that there is always something you can do to make a difference.