I was reading an article today from Fibrofighters.com, which is a new site for me. It came up in my weekly search report on chronic illness. There’s a great article today about supporting a loved one with a chronic illness, but I was interested in particular in a section about what to say to a friend.

There’s no perfect thing to say when your loved one is having a bad day, and nothing is wrong with admitting, “I don’t know what to say.” You don’t have to say anything, as long as you listen to her and let her know it’s OK if she wants to vent.

What if the sick person isn’t taking medicine on time, is eating poorly or is otherwise not taking care of himself? That’s a tough one, says Jay, and what you do depends on your relationship. Talk to his caregiver or a close family member first. You could gently broach the topic with your friend, but be aware that he may become angry.

What if you are the caregiver or close family member?

I have struggled with this for years. It’s very hard to know what say. My wife is in pain all the time to some degree, but when she talks about that pain, she may need me to react in a number of ways. I can:

• just listen and let her vent
• be sympathetic and talk about how lupus sucks
• be optimistic and encouraging
• give her a verbal kick in the pants if she needs to be more proactive

I can tell you, and so can my wife, that I don’t always make the best choice. I do try my best, but it’s hard to see someone you love be in pain.